Goodbye January

We just met up with the infamous Jon Dambacher over lunch at Lil' Doms in Los Feliz to discuss some fun stuff. Looks like we are joining a writing group and Jon has promised to help us get some of our books into the big brick and mortar giants.

What else.  He's put together a nice website called:

 Four-Frames.com

What else?  We finally dropped Max and his fabulous book that he'll never start.
"Live it like you stole it." or "Live it like it's stolen" I forgot, but whatever, Max won't even remember this tomorrow.

Long live the King! and Down with Egypt!

Write a book

Beach Babes

They don't play Volley Ball.  They just sit in the sand and look pretty.

Hot Beach Babes on Camera?!?

Not Really, but wait till you see these girls.

Diana Ross in Malibu

Your favorite couple from Kansas was just walking around the supermarket and saw Diana Ross.

Beach Babes and DeMode!

So even though we strive to hit a certain level of literature, some of the keywords that bring this blog all it's glory are beach babes and hookers.  I mean, who doesn't like beach babes?  We all love Beach Babes!  If I mention beach babes a couple more times in this post.  I'll hit SEO gold! Go Beach Babes GO!

Alright! Enough of that! Even though we all love Beach Babes, BUT just to clarify, you won't find any beach babes in the following video.  Just Depeche Mode, ramping it up on Black Celebration.

The Couple From Kansas

They arrived yesterday. Mr. & Mrs. Perry. He's from Kansas via Baltimore. She's from Kansas via Germany. They met when Mr. Perry was in the Army.


The first thing she said to me was "Where is the coffee?"


"We serve coffee in the morning," I look up from the desk, "But, that's it." 


 It's around Six in the evening.


"What? No Coffee?" Mrs. Perry Says


"Well, there is coffee in the rooms." I say


"Oh, Good, yea, that's crazy! No Coffee is Crazy." Mrs. Perry says


"Yea, my wife likes her coffee." Mr. Perry Says.


I check them in and give them a couple maps and an LA weekly and tell them to enjoy themselves.


Today they come downstairs to tell me that they got up at 4am (There's a 2 hour time difference from Kansas) and made it into Hollywood before any of the shops opened. They walked up and down the Walk of Fame.  They found all their favorites.  Then they drove around Hollywood and then took the fun down to Santa Monica and Venice Beach.  Mr. Perry sure thinks there are a bunch of freaks in California. They tell me one guy was just walking around with his junk hanging out. He had on a robe, but it was open and his junk was just hanging out. You'll get thrown in jail in Kansas for that, they tell me.


Now it's nap time.  But they'll be back down later for directions to a Mexican restaurant.
15 minutes later they come back downstairs.


They want to know where to go for some good Mexican food. I tell them that they can either get super duper hard core Oaxacan/Pueblan food down the street on 3rd and California Donuts; I forget the cross street. Its a funky set up 2 little tables inside a strip mall, but its fucking good. They don't want that. So I tell them that they must go to El Coyote on Beverly and it's fucking really good. They've been around since 1931 and they have Margaritas the size of your face.


They do it. They come back and tell me that nobody is out because the President is giving his State of the Union address. They just walked in without a reservation.  Mr. Perry has never had Mexican food like that before.  It was affordable, the staff was on point and one Margarita put down the Mrs.  It was quite possibly the best Mexican food Mr. Perry has ever eaten. I tell him that I'm happy for him. Now he wants to know a local bar within walking distance. I tell him he's got his choice of a Korean style 'Hooters' or HMS Bounty or Karaoke at Brass Monkey. They opt for Brass Monkey.


Good people, these Kansas people.

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA, BITCH!

The Lobby is under Construction

Noise Noise Noise

Here's some real noise:

3 outta 5 Stars ain't bad - iPad Ratings for "101 Dirty Hot Hotel Stories"

Hello dear readers.  We're excited about January.  We're excited about the new year and all it's bringing.  We need to buckle down and hit the computer.  One of our Star Authors is soon to take a Child Development class at LACC to learn more about what those little TYKES of yours need in their formative years.

We are also proud to spot our second rating on the iPad for "101 Dirty Hot Hotel Stories"  We think we got a 1 star outta 5 which would make the average 3 outta 5, because before yesterday, we were sitting on a pretty little 5 outta 5 rating.

WHATEVER!  Please leave more ratings, even if they are LOW outta 5 and we'll love you anyways!




Rotten lousy bastards.

UK sales are up up and away

Thank the good ol' Mother Queen.

Oh it's good to be huge in the Mother Country.  Course, there was that whole revolution thing.  We still love you the United Kingdom and can't wait for the Book Tour, as soon as we can afford it, HA!

God Save the Queen, because the King is dead!!! Oh Yea, Long live the Kindle

.  Here's a little diddy from our favorite English kids.

January is slip sliding away

Damn it!

Get Ready to Launch

Honestly.  REALLY?!?  Are we being that perfect?  Okay, yea, sure...dot all the i's and cross all the T's, but come on!  Get that story out there so we can work on the next one.

P.S.  The Robots are back.

The Thessalonian Vagrant

It's around 8 o'clock when she walks in and disturbs my Miami Vice marathon.

She's got that filthy look about her, clothes haven't been changed in days, a dark layer of dirt and god knows what else under her fingernails, clumpy hair and a real nice demeanor.

When you're that dirty and down and out, you gotta be nice.

She's here for her reservation.

Apparently Mark Mosier has just bought the hotel and paid all the taxes and now it's his. He gives her free rooms all the time.

I try to tell her that as far as I know somebody else owns the hotel. I try to explain the signature on my paycheck every two weeks belongs to somebody else. I've never heard of Mark Mosier and you'd think I'd be one of the first ones to know.

Well, that's fine, she says and continues to tell me that her daughter is staying here and she would like to know which room she's staying in.

We look up every single name she gives me. Her daughter has five different names. I ask her if she's Portuguese or Brazilian. She laughs. I laugh. I can't find anything that can collaborate her story. But still, I just smile and ask for Marks phone number. She doesn't have it.

She asks for some paper and tells me she wants to write a note to Mark Mosier. I give her a piece paper and she starts to doodle. She draws a sun with a smiley face and then signs it Paula and puts down 2 Thes 3:3 and then politely gets up and leaves.

Let's take a look at 2 Thessalonian 3:3 ~

  But the Lord is faithful, who shall stablish you, and keep [you] from evil.

Wasn't that nice of her. The Lord is Faithful and he keeps us from Evil and establishes us.  Gotta love the Jesus Freaks.  Long live God.

Wha Wha Season 3 Miami Vice?!?

Better living thru Chemistry

The Massacre in Tuscon

Sometime's it's better to wait a day to digest things.  Yesterday in Tuscon, Arizona something horrible happened.


There was a crazy shooting spree outside a Super Market, something to rival the good ol' days in Arizona.  That State is still like the wild west with it's gun laws.  This 22 year old kid with a 9mm pistol killed 6 people and injured another 14.  One of the injured is Congresswoman Gabrielle Gifford, and she is currently in critical condition.  He killed a judge on accident, a 9 year old girl and some staffers for the congresswoman.

Here's a snippit from CNN:

Jared Lee Loughner was "physically removed" from the Pima Community College course less than a month after it began, its instructor, Ben McGahee told CNN. McGahee said Loughner sometimes shook, blurted things out in class, and appeared to be under the influence of drugs at times.


So he's a community college drop out.  Likes taking the drugs.  They Caught him alive, so they'll be able to get the entire story out of him.  A couple of the victims swarmed him and wrestled him to the ground when he was trying to reload.  What a fucking asshole.


Although Mrs. Gifford was a democrat, I'm sure this kind of thing is sending shock waves through out all parties.  I usually attend Xavier Becerras' meetings here in Los Angeles and they are quite informal affairs with nobody checking anyone for guns.  I wonder if Xavier Becerra will do anything different?  This kind of violence is non sense.  What are kids thinking these days?


Has anyone seen the conspiracy theorists?  Jared was brain washed by commercials during Sara Palins TV show.  Gabrielle was a republican that turned democrat and that's something Palin couldn't have happen.  I'll leave that up to y'all to figure out.
There's also this chart that was pulled down off her website.  I think it's a little too provocative and someone on drugs would def think it was talking to them.

to steal a star trek farewell ~ Live Long and Prosper.

DON'T DO SPEED!

Appleford @ the Hotel ~ 20!!

It's getting late.  The houseman has been pumping water out of the pool for the past several hours.  That was quite a rainstorm we had a week ago, but now our pool has become a mosquito breeding ground.  He strolls into the lobby and tells me that he fell into the pool.  He's okay, but he got his cool shoes wet.  We've got about another foot of water to go, he tells me.  I grunt and turn off the football game.

The NY JETS have defeated the Colts with a field goal late in the fourth quarter.
Wow.  The Seahawks took down the New Orleans Saints earlier, too.
It's been quite a day.

The elevator dings and opens up.  A drunk korean man wanders into the lobby and leans on some chairs to sturdy himself.  He wants to know the rate.  I tell him $99 and his face puckers up.  I come down to $89 and then he smiles, almost falls over and then mumbles something in half korean/english  and walks back to the elevator and get's in.

Where did he come from?  Is he driving around?

Good Heavens!


The front desk phone rings, room 209 wants to know why there is hair in his bed.  I apologize and tell him it just belongs to a cleaner.  Room 209 says he understands but now his wife can't sleep.  I offer to move the room and they politely decline, so I just take them some new linen and I never hear from them again.

The Greeks will be down soon to find out where all the HOT HOT HOT Hollywood action is.  They were shocked to learn earlier that everything shuts down at 2am.  That's usually when things get going in Greece.  Regardless, I'll probably be sending them to the Cahuenga Pass and then just tell them to walk around and maybe wander over to the W.

Wish I worked at the W.

Good Night All and Happy New Year!