Happy New Years Eve Everyone ~ Enjoy our Ebooks

Bring in 2011!

What a year.  So many hot new titles.  So many new authors reaching out to get their projects off the ground.

Final numbers for helping the Gulf come in at $175.  Thanks for reading our titles.  We've got a whole bunch of good ones and plan for 5 more pearls in the coming new year.

Our hottest read hasn't really changed: "101 Dirty Hot Hotel Stories" is still super exciting number one seller.  We are working on the translation in Japanese and hope to release that in January.

Hello New Markets with Google Ebooks and Apple.

Kindle had some rough competition this year, but they've been our leading seller regardless.

Ho Ho Ho

Happy Holidays Everyone.

Get Those Christmas Gifts out, so all your buddies can put them under the tree.

We are' Decking the Halls over here with all kinds of Good  Cheer.

This year has been really good to us.  We're so proud of our titles.

Happy Holidays All!  Merry Christmas to all you Jesus Freaks!  Happy Hanukkah to my Jewish Brothers and Sisters!  May the feeling of the season fill you up with joy and merriment.

Looking forward to the New Year, but that's another blog post altogether.

Cyber Monday Ebook Shopping with us

Hello Dear Holiday Shoppers!  Looking for that hard to find Ebook?  Well, we've got all kinds of Ebooks in store for you here at The Trashy Novel Corp.  From Time Travel Romance novels to Detective novels to Sci-Fi novels.  We've got an Ebook to catch your eye in all kinds of fiction titles.  Join a young Hollywood actor in one Ebook as he looks for the ultimate actor to admonish in "Jean Marc".  Jack Applefords' latest ebook is about a California cult that makes it ways out into the desert to build a dynasty.  So, if you like Ebooks, then you should read one of our Ebooks.  We've got an Ebook about the hotel industry.  A biting non-fiction ebook that tells all kinds of true tales from behind the concierge desk.  You'll love that Ebook.  It's our top seller.  We're selling about 4 a day in Europe these days.  Love it.  "101 Dirty Hot Hotel Stories"  Here's a peek at the last chapter of that ebook.  It's the prologue and the first 3 chapters plus the 101st Chapter.  It's about an impostor.  A Getty Impostor.

Just visit our website to see this years crop of titles.

thetrashynovel.com



101 Dirty Hot Hotel Stories

Don't be a Turkey

Enjoy the Holidays with your family and remember that we all love you at the Trashy Novel Corp.  Remember to give to those less fortunate than you.  That's what the holiday season is all about.  Bringing everybody back together.  We'd like to let everyone know that we've given over $100 to the National Wildlife Federation and The Nature Conservancy.  We've given about $122 to be exact.  We'd like to thank everyone for reading and encourage everyone to pick up an Ebook.

Advertising in "The News Of The World"

Big Big Advertising dollars being spent on the UK market for the Christmas season.

101 Dirty Hot Hotel Stories in Japanese?

我々は非常に近い将来、あなたの楽しみのために"101ダーティホットホテルストーリー"を公開と思っています。ここでは第1です。

1 Dirty Hot Hotel Story: Japanese Translation

Guru.com - Project Detail

Who wants to go to Australia and work on a super rad ebook?

Check out the details below.

Aborigines and Walk-abouts and  Horses and Wide Open Spaces.

Call us if you have a pilots license.

Guru.com - Project Detail

Be Careful this holiday season

Hows our environment?

Gulf oil Spill clean up continues through winter ~ OIL SPILL 

I'm glad the Navy is still keeping an eye on these dirty corporations.  Rear Admiral Paul Zukunft is keeping the pressure on those bastards.

We'd like to thank everyone that has bought an ebook since July.  We are giving a $1 for every ebook sold to The Nature Conservancy and The National Wildlife Federation until the end of the year.  Don't worry everyone, we are sure to find many more deserving causes to fund in the new year.  

As we all know.  Disaster is just around the corner.

10-10-10

The Bitch from Top Shop

So the same girl that was telling us the Peaches Gandolf story also snuck into the back of the hotel and took pictures of the construction and threatened to post them to trip advisor if we didn't give her a free stay.

Typical.

Happy Rocktober everyone!!

Rock-n-Roll.  We just had a guest tell us about a time when she was working in TOP SHOP in London and Peaches Gandolf came in and wrote on all the mirrors with lipstick.  She wrote things like "I love Peaches" and "Peaches is #1"  

Too much fun.

Keep on Rocking!!

Heat Wave

One Hundred Thirteen degrees farenheit

The Government Employee

Ring Ring ~ The Reservation Phone rings

"Shelter Hotel, Los Angeles."

"Hi there, HELLO?"

"Hello, thanks for calling Shelter, what can I do for you?"

"I need to make a reservation.  I'm a government employee and I'll be there on work so I wanted to know the cheapest rate that I could get."

"Okay, Miss, Since you're a government Employee, you can save on your taxes, but you need to bring the proper paperwork to the hotel.  The paperwork that shows your a government employee and that we can waive your taxes, you know what I'm talking about, right?"

"Yes, Yes, it's just that it's Sunday and I don't know if I'll be able to get the paperwork on time."

"Well Miss, that's your problem."

"Excuse me?"

"What?"

"What did you say to me?"

"I told you that it was your problem.  It's definitley a problem and it sure isn't mine.  Do you just want us to write off the taxes without doing the proper paperwork?"

"I want to know your name and who your manager is."

"I'm so sorry Miss.  Let me transfer you to his Voicemail."

Enjoy the Fall

It's that time of year, again.  You love it.  The leaves turn colors and everyone isn't as crazy hyped up as they were during summer.  It's time to relax and watch the games on TV and before you know it the holidays will be here.

Some independent research came out today regarding how much oil leaked out into the ocean from the Deepwater Horizon well.  4.4 Million Barrels.  Enough to fill 280 Olympic sized swimming pools, filling four pools every day. Kinda disgusting.  Glad it's stopped.  Estimates on the time frame for the region to be back in running shape: 50 years to Never.

Apparently the Exxon Valdez spill 21 years ago still hasn't been cleaned up properly with an estimated  21,000 gallons of oil beneath the surface.

Great.

Flippin Oil Corporations giving the rest of us Corporations a bad name.  We are environmentally friendly and although we don't even begin to cancel out the effects of renegade corporations, we are in big trouble if we can't reel this guys in and make them accountable for their actions and business practices.

I should run for office and promise a new "Czar of Corporations" to make sure these big companies follow the letter of the law and to break up the Corporations if they're being illegal.

Well, I haven't got any time for that so your best options are: Meg Whitman or Jerry Brown.  We don't want to sway any of our fellow Californians.  Who will take the place of the Governator?  Hmmmm?

Good luck everyone.

We're excited to be bringing you some a great Poet and Painter very soon.  Ornella Amore is Sicilian and lives in Venice Beach.  We've also got her sister in brushes LuLu Stewart releasing an Art Ebook very soon.  We've been running the proto-type on Scribd but have yet to finish it.

Digging Oil Up On Pensacola Beach And Showing To Tourist Sept...

That's Gregg in the Pastel Green Shirt.  Even though the audio is horrible <> you can see that the layer of oil is there deep down in the sand.  We'd also like to report that the oil well was sealed with concrete yesterday.  Quite an ordeal.  Let's hope mother nature can clean up the mess and let's bring more checks and balances to those off shore drillers so this doesn't happen again.

We're still giving $1 a book to the National Wildlife Federation and The Nature Conservancy.  We rotate every month.  A lot of wild life was affected by this disaster and we can't keep recklessly searching for oil anymore.

Thank Goodness for West Virginia

Giant Food to Feed the world!  Mmmmmmmmm.  I betcha you could make 2000 Pumpkin Pies with that thing.  Huzzah!

No, it's the Shelter Hotel, not a womens Shelter

Time: 11:27am.

The phone at the front desk rings.

It's a man that wants to know how he can get involved in our organization.  I tell him that he just needs a Credit Card and an I.D. and he can check in anytime after 3 P.M.

There is a long silence.

I make a remark about how the rooms are $99~ with a discounted rate of $89 if you carry a membership with the Automobile club of Southern California.

More Silence.

That's when I realize he thinks we are a homeless or battered womans shelter.

I tell him he's called the wrong number as we are just a hotel with the name "Shelter".  We are not a womens shelter or homeless shelter, but if he can hold on a moment.  I will look up a shelter in the Los Angeles area and find one that's suitable.

The man is still silent.  I have to ask him if he is still there and I can hear him kicking himself for typing the word "Los Angeles Shelter" into Google and then immediately calling the first number without even looking to see what the hell the link is.  He answers back with a meek "Yes" and then I put him on hold.

Today I've found the Good Shepard Center for homeless women and Children.  Thank the lord for something.  These sisters are just what the down and out need.  They're located at 1671 Beverly Blvd.

Catholic Shelter

Good luck everyone.

Indian Summer, Hurricane Igor and The Death of NYT Print Version

We've been monitoring the weather channel and this is how things are shaping up for Silverlake:

Humidity: 38%

Temp: 79

Winds: SW5

Come on down to Southern California.

10 Day forecast: Sunny

On the other front there is a Major Hurricane in the mix, and 2 Tropical Depressions. We know Hurricanes are bad but nobody wants to be in a tropical depression.

Tropical Depression Hermine is growing in the Gulf of Mexico and should flutter out over Texas

Category 4 Hurricane Igor is 1200 Miles wide and causing some major problems for Transatlantic sea Travel with top winds at 150 MPH It's coming due west and if it continues it's path Jamaica and Cuba and most of the Caribbean Isles are in trouble. More probable hitting the Bahamas. It's still a crap shoot where this one will end up, but Meteorologist believe that with the high pressure system that Igor is skirting the south of, should weaken, and allow Igor to move more Northwesterly and skirt the Atlantic states. We'll know in a couple days what's going on.

Tropical Storm Julia is 200 miles off the coast of Africa after just departing the Coast Verde Isles and has sustained winds of 45 MPH and increasing

Also, The print version of the New York Times died today. There are a lot of happy trees somewhere. Viva the digital age. I'm sure the NYT will do fine online and with apps.

Miami Vice Theme

Los Angeles

Big City.

Big Stuff.

Big Big Big.

Build that really really really cool Time Capsule and start stowing your stuff in it.

We're really into Miami Vice around here. We're freaking out that we're so in love with Crockett and Tubbs, but whatever. We love Gina, too.

New and Exciting CS5

We've just gotten our hands on illustrator, photoshop and fireworks CS5. Get ready for some eye popping designs and don't think that we'll ever really give up on our Adobe Photoshop 5.5, because we love that ol' tech feeling.

But all that new 3-D photography is done in illustrator, so it should be fun to mess around in it.

We are not a photography studio and don't use photoshop to it's maximum facility but it's good to have the update.

Fireworks is the most exciting. Producing exciting mobile web content. Be on the look out for fun stuff for your phone.

And keep on reading...all donations this month will go to Protectourcoastline.org which helps local fisherman and their families affected by this disaster with this link here: Protect Our Coastline

Glittering Hull

Some of our friends made it into The Collective monthly magazine.

They are Glittering Hull.

There's a fun piece on them.

Myspace profile: myspace.com/theglitteringhull

Fuck you September

and by September I mean childhood buzz kills.

The last days of August in Silver lake

Hello Ferrari!

It's hot out, but not too hot. Our HQ lies on a very quiet street in Silver lake.

This neighborhood in the hills is quiet and serene, for now. The electro-clash neighbors next door have been having one extravaganza after another, but it's quiet now and you can hear the birds and the squirrels in the trees. A gardener sweeps up his mess.

The Folk rock neighbor up the street is sleeping in late and has yet to be heard this morning. From sunrise till Noon is the quietest time in Silver lake.


Our good friend the Frenchman is coming back from his travels abroad in Newfoundland. I'm sure he'll have some exciting stories to tell. His sister in law has just been watering the yard and jumps in her VW, waves and takes off. She's a busy, busy gal.

Everyone at the Trashy Novel Corp is having a great summer and we hope everyone in the Northern Hemisphere is enjoying themselves as well. We won't forget our Southern Hemisphere brothers and sisters and hope that you are staying warm this cold, cold winter.

Pick up that note pad and scribble down some of the good stuff every once in a while.

The Craigslist Advertiser

She's 47. We took a photocopy of her ID and it says she was born in 1963. She's a little old to be doing the kind of stuff she's doing, but hell, why not ride the wagon till the wheels fall off.

It's late August.

Daisy comes into the hotel with her German Shepard in tow. She's saved him from a shelter down on Figueroa and 60th or something like that. She use to own a house up on Mulholland Drive, but now she's got all her belongings in a couple boxes and suitcases and she's been staying in local hotels and making a living with offering her services on Craigslist.

The Ad runs something like this:

250 Roses for relaxing massage, bath, golden dust facial with happy ending. Drugs ok. Upscale clients in-call only. Please call (555)Gold-Duster

She attaches a picture of her ass with no panties and puts it out there amongst the creepy crawlies. She fields phone calls all day.

She bought one of our novels that we have for sale on the hotel library table. She tips us $20 whenever she can. Most of the time she is surrounded by Strange men. The tall Asian Man named Max that is like her personal assistant. There are the Cubans that get into fights when the tricks won't pay up. They are not her pimps though, she seems to control them. Like she's a hooker with security.

She spends most of her days on the rooftop sunbathing nude.

She's a real treat.

Too bad the German Shepard (Roxy) had diahrrea in the hallway the other day. Oh yea, and causing the hot water line to the room to explode and the endless waterfall that cascades through the rooms beneath her fourth floor paradise.

She loves it here. Everyone has been offered a free massage but no one has accepted.

She always comes down to pay on time.

It's just such a shame that the Cubans keep beating up people.

She's going to publish a rare poem that Hubert Selby Jr. wrote especially for her.

We kick her out after 2 weeks of craziness.

Pensacola Beach Near Last Lifeguard Stand - Tar Balls All Over August 29...

Bye Bye August

That's right. August 2010 is gone my lovelies! Let's get those Novellas in order for the new year.

What kinds of ideas are floating in your head?

We want all kinds of stories. Feel free to submit ideas at will. Full manuscripts are better, but whatever. We want to make your writing a success.

Gorgeous Sunday

That's why we live here.

This is why we love Southern California so much.

Viva a beautiful summers day and everything it stands for.

Midsummers delight

Forget about the 58 pilot whales beaching themselves in New Zealand. Forget about the oil plumes and the floods and super smart serial killers.

Let's try to enjoy ourselves.

If you've got a solider coming home due to the draw down in Iraq, give him/her a big kiss from us. It's time to show them we love them and welcome them back to the good times in America.

Barnes and Noble is still up for sale. No takers. With todays stock price of around $15 bucks, you can own the entire company for 930.5 Million. Amazing.

We're starting to get feedback from review copies of "101 Dirty Hot Hotel Stories" sent out in March of this year. Wow does the book world take a long time to get things rolling.

Thinking of a new logo.

We've also had some talks with a young lady who has been going through the whole custody battle thing with her babies daddy and she wants to write a fun and lighthearted and sexy book about how to play to win in the child custody game.

We're currently reviewing and publishing at will.

Flood & After Flood

Pensacola Beach Daily Report August 19 2010 - Tarballs - No Warning Signs

Why won't anyone help Pakistan?

So for three horrible weeks, the country of Pakistan has been engulfed by horrible rains that have either washed away entire villages or flooded them. This storm has increased the size of the river 10 fold. Imagine that happening to the Mississippi. Wowzers!

Why won't the international community send aid as they have in Haiti and before with Katrina? Could it be that Pakistan needs a public relations make-over? or is it because the world is mired in a recession and can't afford to send much? or is it that the floods are so bad they can't just leave the aid packages in the middle of the river.

We're all humans. We ask that you share your opinion with us.

If you're thinking of donating, we like to donate to Doctors Without Borders. You can be sure they will be there to treat the cholera outbreak.

Let's hope these 3rd world countries can use the money to invest in infrastructure so that something even remotely like this does not happen again.

Kickstarter action

Found a really great website called kickstarter and it gives you the opportunity to fund a great idea.

Welcome to everyone thats come over here to check us out. We are an indie ebook publishing house thats located in Silverlake, California. We publish about 5 or so titles a year.


We hope you enjoy our fanciful tales.

From Dax and the outerspace crew crashing an enormous spaceship into Mars in "Skyscraper" to Sergio slipping back and forth from Venice Beach to Venice, Italy in "Venice Via Venice". We've got some great Childrens lit with "The Very Last Caterpillar" and of course our top seller "101 Dirty Hot Hotel Stories" is available for your digital reading pleasure.

All of our titles are priced from .99 to 9.95 so as to be easy on your budget.

Don't forget to leave a review on whatever book ya read.

Get your RAMADAN on!

Starting tomorrow for a whole month. Our lovely Egyptian guests have reminded us that it's a sin to do anything for the next month.

May Allah be with you.

$1 a book contribution

Think we might just push the rest of the projects towards the end of the year. Maybe all New Year 2011 Releases. We've already got 8 or 9 releases and nothing is getting it's proper advertising spotlight.

We really need to get it together over here.

We also want everyone to know that we love your support, and that the "Give to the Gulf" Program generated $10 to give to worthy organizations in the gulf. So you do the math. We sold 10 books in July and 2 were .99, but we still gave $1. Wahoooooo!

We're giving $10 to the National Wildlife Federation for July and August is going to "Save the Gulf" effort.

Thanks again everyone and please read an Ebook and give to the gulf at the same time!

Pensacola Beach Daily Report August 4 2010

Big August

Don't be afraid to work for a living, sometimes no one wants to pay for your art.

On the upside. They finally put a "Static Kill" on the well. That means that the oil has stopped flowing up because they have introduced a heavy mud substance into the well. It's a major milestone. Finally we're able to stop all that oil from flowing into the gulf. It's been since April 20th. I hate that day. First Columbine, now this. 4.9 Million barrels (205.8 Million Gallons) of oil have come out of the well till it was capped on July 15th and surface ships started the siphoning.

To put it in perspective with Human Oil Production Disasters, the blowout in the Bay of Campeche off the coast of Mexico resulted in 140 million gallons in 1979

The worst ever oil spill was intentional by the Iraqis in the first gulf war in 1991 when they released 240 million gallons into the Persian Gulf.

Let's hope the Government report that boasts 74% of the oil that leaked from the well has been collected, dispersed or evaporated is true. We'll keep checking in with our man on the ground in Pensacola and bring his good videos to ya!

The final "Kill-Kill" Well that will put cement in the well as an insurance policy that it will never be used again will happen in about 7-10 days. Let's all hope we can get on with the summer now.

J.Appleford Reading "101 Dirty Hot Hotel Stories" @ Shelter Hotel

Get out! Mysterious Author Jack Appleford is holding readings in Korea Town Hotel.

No!

You get out!

We've got you Jack Appleford till the end of the week at the Shelter Hotel in Korea Town.

Starting July 28th 7pm till 11pm
July 29th 7pm till 11pm
July 30th 7pm till 11pm
July 31st 7pm till 11pm
Aug 1st 7pm till 11pm

Bring your Kindle or iPad to read along with the Author. We will also be selling limited edition 1st edition paperbacks of "101 Dirty Hot Hotel Stories"

Hope to see you there.

For the hard sell on the ebook please visit the Amazon site:

"101 Dirty Hot Hotel Stories"

Day 100 ~ Gulf Oil Spill

What's new?

The CEO of BP america is being replaced with an American. Go figure.

The Oil has dispersed from view and BP has jumped on that and said "Look it's going away!" which gives many the right to complain that it's just going under the surface and has not been "Cleansed thoroughly by the Ocean". Everyone at least seems to agree that it will take years to clean up the entire accident if not decades. The truth is we don't have the capability to even know how bad it is or how long it will take for things to get back to the status quo.

In layman's terms the oil is being funneled up to slew of ships from a large hose that they've attached to the well. There is still oil flowing from the well and if a big enough hurricane come out that way, everyone will have to head to safer waters. Then the oil will start flowing into the ocean again. It's very important for British Petroleum to encase this well with cement. I'm sure you all know about the other wells being drilled to provide a "Static Kill". Those will be ready by early next month and it looks like they are on track for a August 2nd date to completely shut down the well for good.

On a completely different note. Lake Superior is 15 degrees hotter this year than last. Canary in the coal mine kinda thing.

The Very Last Caterpillar is red hot

Hey Y'all ~ We're burning up the Kindle charts!

Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #37,872 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)

#9 in	Kindle Store > Kindle Books > Fiction > Children's Fiction > Science, Nature & How It Works > Nature
#4 in	Kindle Store > Kindle Books > Children's Books > Animals > Bugs & Spiders
#12 in	Kindle Store > Kindle Books > Children's Books > Science, Nature & How It Works > Nature Oh Yea~! Ranked #4 in Bugs & Spiders! Oh yea. The Very Last Caterpillar

Give me Shelter

The Palm Trees poke at the skyline and cars slowly make their way down the boulevard. Minis, customized Hondas and Acuras filled with beautiful Koreans with shiny black hair and knock-off designer sunglasses smoke cigarettes and spit out the windows. The billboards in this part of town are covered in Hangul. Young punk Latino kids skate and hang out on the steps of the apartment houses that make up this section of Korea Town. Some Latino pushes an ice cream freezer box down the street. He stops halfway down the block and rings his special bell to let all the kiddies know he’s here. Nobody approaches him, so he continues his snail-like pace down Mariposa and stops at the end of the block to ring his bell again., and still no one comes.
Nobody ends up in Korea Town on Accident. You either had a birthday party at the Brass Monkey or are trying to beat traffic and have chosen 6th st. to get you between downtown and Hollywood. Maybe you’ve started dating a Kim or a Park. Maybe you wanted to get some batting practice in at Rexs’ Batting Cage. Maybe you heard about the best Korean BBQ on the planet at Tahoe Galbi Restaurant.

Regardless, you're here and you might as well make the most of it.

Aerial footage of tar on Pensacola Beach

This footage was shot a month ago. Can you believe this is Summer 2010 Pensacola Florida and the beaches are empty. The Tourist Industry must be dieing.

Pensacola Beach Daily Oil Spill Report July 22 2010 AM

Go Gregg!
Great Reporting!

Shelter Hotel in Korea Town

Here we are. I've been sitting here all day and the only kids that walk into the lobby are a couple Korean Hipsters that don't have enough money on their credit card, but we do the entire dance, i.e. reservations, registration card and then I find out they don't have any money and they were hoping that I'd overlook that.

"Sorry, There's no money on your Credit Card, I can't rent you a room."

"Ahhhhhhhhhh." They say together.

They've wasted 10 minutes of my time, but big deal, I'm not doing anything anyways. I'm here for them to waste my time, I suppose. So I ask them if there are any other scams they want to try: Counterfeiting or Pimping or maybe they'd just like to top off my day and rob me. They laugh and leave.

So the early afternoon passes with Pandora streaming on the computer and I spend my time looking up strange Egyptian gods for another book I'm writing and the Thai maids come and go and stop every once in a while and we all tell some funny jokes and then they're back off again to clean the rooms.

I sit here in the unfinished lobby. Rooms are $99 a night with a $10 discount if you've got a membership with Automobile Club of Southern California (AAA).

An old man walks in and wants to know the rate. I tell him it's $99 and I need a credit card. He fumbles with his wallet and shows me his ID and I ask for a credit card again and he gets upset and says that he will get me his Credit Card, but if I can stop being such an asshole for a minute, then that would be nice. I rattle back that I need a credit card. I'm apprehensive until it clears and then it's like we're old friends. I offer him some of the stale doughnuts that have been in the lobby since this morning. He scoffs. I offer to help him with his bags and he says "No, No" and asks for his receipt and I tell him that he will get it in the morning when he checks out. He's leaving early he tells me and I tell him that there will be someone here nice and early to check him out and give him a receipt. He goes upstairs.

The lobby is quiet again.

Hot New Alaskan Porn

For these people I'm making an exception to my rule about not doing outcalls on the first appointment. They live in a fancy neighborhood far out of the city. Not fancy enough to look over the ocean, but fancy enough for spaced out cookie cutter mansions. Thankfully they don't have lawns. We are still in Alaska, even if the joke about this place is that it's not Alaska, but you can get there in an hour.

Lucy emailed me a couple months ago, a long email that went on like water explaining how after ten years of marriage her and her wonderful husband had begun exploring sexually and she'd always wanted to be with a woman but she wasn't sure how she'd react, and would it be okay if she smoked pot because she gets really nervous, and her husband is kind of fat but he's a very good man and takes such good care of her and her son and she loves him. They'd been watching porn and smoking pot and reading books and gaining communication skills and now they wanted to try an encounter with another woman. But it had to be real! They couldn't be with someone who would fake it! And they must smoke pot or they would be nervous!
At first her emails were sweet and I was excited to be part of their sexual education and exploration. I'd been thinking about posting a casual encounter ad for a couple when I got their email, and that made it even better. Get paid to explore your fantasies! My life is the best! But then her emails started to wear on. She had questions upon questions, and had to describe the details of every sexumentory she saw, like a phone sex customer who tries to get off emailing about what they want instead of calling.

Now, after all these emails, I'm finally pulling into their driveway. Tom is waiting outside for me, waving. Of course. Inside there's an envelope with my name on it right on the bench where you sit to take your shoes off. I shove it in my pocket and hang my coat in the closet. The closet is full of coats. If I had a closet that size it would be an eighth of the space in my cabin, I think, and an eighth of my possessions would be coats.

I join Lucy on the couch. Lucy is cute. Cute like apple pie, long permed hair, a dutifully toned body and cheerful smile. She says she's nervous.
We drink wine and they smoke and they ask what they are supposed to do because they don't understand, should they go away so I can count the money? “Oh, I was just going to trust you,” I say. “But I can use your restroom and check it?” I have this philosophy that it turns guys off when I count the money, and so I don't. I smile at them and tuck it into a drawer as if I trust them completely and am too classy to double check. Really it's not that I trust them, but that I take a longer view. If they short me I can just not see them again, but if I offend them it's not like I can get them back, and each guy is potentially $500 every month. So I go to their bathroom and I count the money. Five crisp hundred dollar bills and two fifties.
When I come out of the bathroom I'm naked and I curl up closer to Lucy. She is so nervous, and I don't want to scare her but I do feel a sort of responsibility to get things going. She tells me again that sometimes Tom's dick goes soft and we just ignore it, it's just a thing that happens, we definitely don't call attention to it. Then Tom says again that they want me to understand there are no goals for the evening. Nobody has to cum, and if we don't do anything it's okay. Then she tells me again that it's really the marijuana that's opened her up to her sexuality... “but sometimes it makes me paranoid,” she explains and I want to laugh so much but I don't. I tell her she has nothing to be paranoid about and she's ten times hotter than me. Then he tells me again that there are no goals and she tells me again that we just ignore it if his dick goes soft.

Finally I suggest that we climb in their bed and snuggle and watch the porn channel and see what happens and they agree. Progress! She strips down to her underwear and he keeps his shirt and boxers on. Soon Lucy and I are kissing, and she is the best kisser, soft and sucking and nibbling without being invasive. She says I'm the best kisser too. We re-arrange ourselves for the male gaze and kiss some more, and I run my hands up and down her back and the sides of her breasts and then she asks if she can kiss my breasts. Fuck yes.

She sucks a nipple into her mouth and I groan and grind against her knee. It is one part real and one part demonstration. Soon we are kissing and groping each other above the waist and grinding against each others legs. “Honey,” she gasps, “come over here and watch.”

Soon she goes down on me and he kisses my breasts and I'm in heaven. Then I go down on her and she lays back against him and he plays with her breasts and she screams and pants ever so responsively. Every once in a while she gets what they call “too much in her head,” and they have a little routine they do and laugh about it and hit the bong and start again.

On the teevee two young girls are being fucked by an older man. First they talked about the boys at school, and then he shoved them down to their knees and fucked their mouths, then bent them over and fucked them, and then they both rushed and dived down to have him cum all over their faces. I can definitely see how some people hate porn.
Real life is the best, though. In real life she starts fingering my pussy and then he puts a couple fingers inside and his other hand is on my breast and her other hand is moving all over me and I think this is what I've always wanted.
Later we suck his cock, movie style with our tongues intertwining. “Fuuck,” he moans, “I feel like there's a porno happening on my cock.”
Then she lays back and watches me suck him off. She claims to be submissive, but I think there's something sadistic about this. Suck my man's cock, she'd said. It was a question, but in the kind of acting voice that says you have to go along with it. So I do. But soon he is too much in his head and we stop for another smoke break and then we kiss some more and then it is time to leave. They say thank you, thank you, this is better than our fantasies, this is the best thing that's ever happened to our sex life.

I love being the sex fairy. In the car I move money between places, budgetting by envelopes at the red lights all the way back to the hotel.

~ Ecowhore ~

Pensacola Beach Before And After The Gulf Oil Spill Disaster

Wow. Gregg has put together something nice to the tune of Michael Jackson.

We're glad the containment seems to be coming along nicely. The cap seems to be holding as of this morning. The oil company hopes to siphon off the well into a bunch of ships until those relief wells can be put in place.

Introducing Tara Burns ~ Alaskan Erotica

The one client I had scheduled no-showed at noon and the day would be in the negative if it weren't for an email. How long are you going to be in town? My plane gets in at midnight. Call me, I wrote back. I'm not leaving till tomorrow morning.


I still remember the first time I saw his cock. It was huge. Honestly, truly, I am scared of huge cocks. They bang into my cervix quite painfully, and in my line of work most guys don't know how to use them. His was kind of on the edge of not-huge, though, and he'd brought wine and blueberries and I thought he had the most beautiful skin and softest lips ever. He's a doctor sort of person, and he's from the West Indies (I'm ashamed to say that I did not really know where that was at first). When I first squatted over him and lowered myself onto his cock I waited for the ouch of cock against cervix... but instead it was bliss. A zillion happy nerve endings. Suddenly I understood what people mean when they say they've been dickmatized.


It's dark when I go to his beautiful apartment in a locked up building. You have to know a code. It took me so long to figure out how to work it. At home it doesn't get dark anymore, but here in the big city the sun still sets over the ocean. When I knock on his door it opens like magic and there are candles glowing in the mirror just inside the door.

“Red wine?” he asks.
“Of course,” I answer. We take the wine and sit on the couch and play footsies. This is our ritual. He strokes me all over while I sip the wine and admire the giant piece of ancient bone on his coffee table. There is a pile of books, too. The everyday millionaire. How to be happy. How to invest in real estate. That kind of thing, you know.

His hand brushes my lower back as his tongue flicks my ear and I vibrate at every nerve ending. “Fuck, you drive me crazy. Shall we go to bed?”
“After you.”
I stop to get my condoms and lube out of my jacket pocket, and he tosses five hundred dollars down to my shoes in front of me. It had been on the table but I'd forgotten about it. Sometimes I'm such a ditzy whore. I shove it in my pocket and he follows me into his bedroom. He has the nicest bed. Really. It's comfortable in a way that only happens in rich city peoples homes, I think. Like levitating on the softest clouds with nicely smelling fresh satin sheets. At home I sleep on a foam pad laying on a piece of plywood. I only have one sheet and I haven't hauled it into the city to wash it in months.
We wrap our limbs around each other and kiss. I'm so happy to be humping his leg and teasing the head of his cock and flicking my tongue across his lips. He rolls on top of me and in the dark of the single candle we lose the condoms for a second, and then I roll it on with my mouth.
“God you're incredible,” he moans.

“Goddess,” I remind, always, as I lay back and spread my legs.

He pushes in sooo slowly. Every second is an eternity of bliss that ends all too quickly. I want to just repeat that part, over and over. He knows, he pulls out just as slow and pushes back in, another eternity.
Our noses touch and our eyes are dark wells staring into each other. He speeds up and I tighten my muscles around him. “Fuck,” he says, “you're the fountain of youth.”

“Really? How old are you?” I didn't imagine that he was much older than me.
“Let's just say forties.”
Oh. We roll over and I wiggle around on top of him until I'm in such a frenzy of bliss I can barely move and then we roll over again. We cum together, our tongues entwined, our lips and teeth pressed into each other, and roll to the side. He is still inside me. I can feel my pulse in my pussy, and we giggle when my muscles twitch around him.
His cheek is on mine and his leg is on my leg is on his leg is on mine, and he starts to snore. I'm always so impressed that people can fall asleep with a strange person in their apartment. Especially in their bed. It's an innocence I can't imagine.

When his neighbor shuts the door he wakes and we untangle and retangle, and he falls back asleep, so beautiful. I play a game where I keep my eyes closed for ten minutes. If when I open my eyes it's been ten minutes I can move an inch, but if I open my eyes and it hasn't been ten minutes I have to wait twenty minutes to move. I've been playing this game forever, since weekends at my mom's when I was a kid. But somewhere in the middle of my game I fall asleep. I must be getting innocent too.

When I wake up it's four in the morning. He calls out for me to be careful on the roads as I'm getting dressed and says he misses me already. Sweet.


~ Thanks for reading ~ Please check out ECOWHORE for more fun with Tara Burns.

Pensacola Beach Daily Oil Spill Report July 12 2010

Thank goodness they got on the new Cap today. We will see in a couple days if they can funnel all the oil up that way. I hope they can do it, and this is bullshit it's taken 84 days.

Those relief wells are another month or 2 off.
This is retarded. Won't more oil just gush out of the new wells? I don't know if this is all such a good idea. Bring the oil business back onshore where it's manageable, not a mile deep.

Pensacola July 7th ~ Disgusting

Greg is freaking out

Our buddy ireporter down in Pensacola Beach, Florida has been around those fumes for too long now.

He's convinced the Government has replaced the sand on his beach. Well, honestly, I'm not there and maybe it's TRUE!! But if you watch the video it just looks like the oil seeped into the sand and it's ruined forever and Greg can't accept it.

I'm sorry Greg. I love ya!

Give to the Gulf ~ Project

We will donate a portion of our proceeds on each Ebook sold to:
The Nature Conservancy

The National Wildlife Federation

Save the Gulf project.

This is just unreal people. I will include videos from a great ireporter Greg in Pensacola Beach, Florida. June 24th is interesting because he talks about the gases along with the oil spill. I've also included todays video. My heart goes out to Greg.

So, Buy an Ebook and Give to The Gulf, Damn it!

Whoa.

The last days of 30%

Hello dear readers.

Welcome to SUMMER 2010

Starting July 1st. The Kindle goes to 70% revenue stream.

Hip Hip Hooray!

What else is new. We've got some exciting Alaskan tales that we wrangled up to release to you on the blog. We love this New Writer. OMG. The Alaskan Thunderfuck. Should be very exciting. Wild tales from up way way way up North. We've got Robin Witt to thank for finding this very promising writer. Her blog: Hobo Stripper

We've asked her to do a couple 1000 word stories for us, so keep your eyes peeled for those this Summer.

We've also found a really great writer who does Roman tales from back in the good ol' days of 54AD and the like. Here's Volume 1:

Imperator-Life of Caesar- Volume I

World Cup Fever ~ or ~ The curse of the VuVuzela

We hope that all of you are rooting on your favorite team and enjoying yourselves while you do it. Remember to keep your vuvuzela out and it should be attached to your lips at all times. Feel free to adorn it with fanciful adornments.

Now that every team has played, we are seeing some strong teams in Switzerland, England, Italy, Brazil and of course Germany and Portugal.

What an exciting world cup we have here and we're only a little bit down the way with the games. We want to thank all of our Kindle readers for making "101 Dirty Hot Hotel Stories" a success and hope that it translates well to the other platforms. Don't be shy to leave a review if you've bought one.

Viva Silver Lake and Viva Berliln!

Get excited Berlin: For Nothing

So yea.

Lots and Lots and Lots of nothing going on.
We're in talks with absolutely nobody and doing nothing. The highlight of the week was Virginia Dell (my grandmother) firing me as her ghostwriter and what else. We've managed to wrangle up some more writers and we will see how far down the rabbit hole they can imagine...

I also went to the stupid Roosevelt Sunday Pool Party and had a really great time. I hate myself for it. It was probably the vodka, oh yea, and Zachy was there playing the hits. It also happens to be Max and Heathers favorite hang out. I took some paperbacks down and handed them out and I am happy to say that it was enjoyed. I think Zach was just looking through it for his name because Max said he was in there. Sorry Zach, you'll have to buy ICON for that one. Whatever.

I hope things are rad in Berlin and give us a comment once in a while damnit!

LuLu Stewart

Apple Ipad takes 22% of the market share in 2 months

I think we have a winner. There is already talk of a super cheap kindle to contend with the monster that Apple just released. That's going to be great. We're courting a couple different authors.

Maybe you noticed the art work we've put in this post. We're excited to be working with LULU Stewart on releasing an art book and the projected ETA of that book is around July. We've been privy to some chapter headings to Robin Witts nonfiction work about working at a Strip Joint. It's entitled "Dog Shift" and the ETA on that puppy is still out. Hopefully a Christmas special.

We've also been working with some people helping put together a site called OUT2Connect where you can blah, blah, blah, blah...We're hiring writers there like gang busters over there so google the name and email us over there.

Okay, what else?

Oh Yea, England and USA had a world cup match and they tied. 1-1. Outstanding for USA. Let's hope we can get to the next round.

Italy plays Paraguay on Monday and you better believe we are going to be glued to the TV watching that.

Loving the last summer for Humans

Hi Gang,

She likes the sheets to be long so they cover her face.
Remember that.

Also don't forget that you need CS5 In Design and you can upload your ebooks straight into the ibookstore.

Gotta run.

Got stuff to do.

The Fake Getty Resurfaces

Okay. So it was back in 07, but we can see her stupid trail before she headed out to New York before she was caught for DUI in Monroe county.

I betcha she'll get away with everything. Any current updates would be much appreciated.

The following is a comment I recieved but since no once looks at the original post from Feb. 08 then they would never see it.

OMG! I Cannot beleive That CRAZY BITCH is Still Not LOCKED IN A PADDED CELL or Murdered! I had my run in w/ her in 07 she cost me my job my house w/ her promises or travel and a good job as her personal assistant! And my friend whom is a graphic designer she had me call her because she told me her former G.D. had screwed her over and so we picked up my friend on our journey to Seattle Wa. Where we stayed at the W Hotel under the name Getty! Had room service and on and on she was a total FREAKSHOW!!! calling people all hours of the day and night a screaming at them... she was smashed drunk all the time and did not SHOWER!! SHE SMELLED like ROTTEN CROTCH! Finally she was kicked out of the W and we just started walking to the train depot to go back home.. She cost me everything! I cannot understand why shes not been caught and made to pay for all the pain she has caused so many people??? C.MCcleary waterchild38@yahoo.com

Contacting Barnes & Noble for inclusion instore

It's an exciting time for us at the Trashy Novel Corp. We don't want to sell paperbacks, but the market demands it! We've just pressed some books on 30% recycled paper, because we were convinced that the bleaching process on 100% recycled paper is just as bad for the environment!

There are very strict rules to follow for getting your book included instore. All kinds of stuff. You first have to become a vendor of record (See B&N website for more info). Then you need to send them all the marketing info on the book in question. Tell them where the author will be reading it, and what kind of advertising action is in the pipeline. There is a lot to do. I've got to go out now and collect the proper envelopes to send the books out.

We are also going to send "101 Dirty Hot Hotel Stories" to the New York Times Book Review and see what happens. That should be interesting. Will it make it past the slushpile!

What else is new around here?

Jack Appleford finally put together his epic tale of "The Rise and Fall of Stevieland ~ Book One" I believe he is working on books two and three and the manifesto that the cult follows like dogma.
Robin Witt is nailing down the specifics on here latest non-fiction book about Strippers and the lifestyle in "Dogshift". It's what the strippers call the day shift at a strip joint. We expect to have this book out by Fall 2010 or Winter 2011.

Geraldine Birch is working diligently on her latest WWII Novel entitled "The Swastika Tattoo." which probably won't be finished until 2011.

Putting the final touches on our Website

Isn't the internet a fun place to play around? We've just got our website a little more streamlined and hope to draw a little more attention to ourselves!!!

The Trashy Novel


Long live the digital revolution!!

Make an Ebook & Sell that Ebook

Hello lovelies,

Today we are trying to understand what the funk is going on in the Publishing world. So many Ereaders and too little time. Nintendo is coming out with an Ereader! We're still waiting on the Skiff from Hearst, and KaKai is this new California company that is trying to make the 'Kindle' for students.

Long live the digital revolution!! And Read an Ebook, damn it!

Rebuke to the New Yorker

Now Joining the Publishing Math-Challenged: Yes, the New Yorker
Ken Auletta dramatically "reports" a portion of that which already happened--the emergence of Apple as a seller of ebooks and the introduction of the agency model--and he and the magazine's vaunted fact-checking department join the ranks of those who misconstrue the economics of publishing.

This one is a whopper, erasing all the margin in hardcover publishing by misunderstanding how returns work: "Traditionally, publishers have sold books to stores, with the wholesale price for hardcovers set at fifty per cent of the cover price. Authors are paid royalties at a rate of about fifteen per cent of the cover price. On a twenty-six-dollar book, the publisher receives thirteen dollars, out of which it pays all the costs of making the book. The author gets $3.90 in royalties. Bookstores return about forty per cent of the hardcovers they buy; this accounts for $5.20 per book. Another $3 goes to overhead costs and the price of producing and shipping the book--leaving, in the best case, about a dollar of profit per book."

That miscalculation may help explain why the piece also indulges in the cliched storyline that "the industry was desperate for a savior" because sales were up (yes, up) only slightly between 2002 and 2008. Ignoring the statistics from Bowker, which if nothing else show more books coming to market than ever before, "like other struggling businesses, publishers had slashed expenditures, laying off editors and publicists and taking fewer chances on unknown writers."

In another lapse, the story closes by citing a rumor from late March--"Just days before the iPad went on sale, on April 3rd, there were rumors that Apple might list best-sellers for as little as $9.99"--rather than actual fact. (Auletta does not deal at all with the price brackets that determine the Apple price, or the additional discount provisions for bestsellers.)

Also, Auletta mashes together Google's in-development initiative to sell in-print books from publishers with what they might do to sell older titles as a result of the Google Books Settlement if approved by a judge.

What Auletta adds is his specialty--gossipy unsourced quotes from people he assures us work closely with Steve and Jeff. A "close associate of Bezos" says, "What Amazon really wanted to do was make the price of e-books so low that people would no longer buy hardcover books. Then the next shoe to drop would be to cut publishers out and go right to authors." Later on there is another quote from "a close associate of Bezos' (not clear if it's the same associate): "Amazon was thinking of direct publishing--until the Apple thing happened. For now, it was enough of a threat that Amazon was forced to negotiate with publishers."

Amazon's Russ Grandinetti says that publishers sell directly on the web, so why shouldn't the etailer publish: "It seems like they're in our business, so it's a strange argument to worry about this in the other direction."

Separately, an Apple "insider" confides, "Ultimately, Apple is in the device--not the content--business. Steve Jobs wants to make sure content people are his partner. Steve is in the I win/you win school. Jeff Bezos is in the I win/you lose school."

In another notable bits, Random House ceo Markus Dohle advises that "if you want to make the right decision for the future, fear is not a very good consultant." He believes that the Agency Five rushed their business model shift: "The digital transition will take five to seven years.... For me it's not a question of a week, or a hundred days."

Amusingly, the story also has Amazon's Russ Grandinetti advising publishers to pour money into enhanced ebooks that don't work on Amazon's current devices: "to thrive, he believes, publishers have to reimagine the book as multimedia entertainment."

~ Publishers Marketplace story