NYE events in downtown

Edison - $150 bucks for lots of fun 9pm - 2am located on 2nd and Main

All together as one - Sports Arena $50 General Admission $125 VIP

HARD NYE - 6th and Mateo Peaches, 2livecrew, Justice, Gavins band $75 bucks General admission

Giant event - 110 freeway and 9th and tickets are $88 bucks or $168 VIP.

Roosevelt Hotel bash - $150 bones tickets at door only arrival at 7:30 to secure tickets.

Elevate lounge - $1,000 table service on waiting list,

Takami sushi - $165 w/ 5 course meal 9:30 - 10:30 seating includes tickets into Elevate

Afterhours party - theres only one that's got all your hot Italian DJ's - EGOLOVE.

check it out online at egolove.org or go to 326 Omar st from 1am till 5am.

Egolove

Where did you find those 18 year old ravers?
Check out this hot action after your stupid party is over.

http://egolove.org/

Fun times with your favorite Italian DJ's

Should also be some hotties there too. Don't forget to book your room at the Dirty Hot Hotel and get a load of party favors to keep the night lively.

New Years Eve Los Angeles Party

Oh no you didn't.

You rented a submarine and brought your favorite hooker along. Good for you.

She looks delightful.

Enjoy yourself.

Tribute to Raymond Chandler

Pick up the Sunday Los Angeles Times and read the Opinion section. They've got a great piece on Raymond Chandler. Wait a second, we live in the future and it just might be accessable by clicking here:

http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/sunday/commentary/la-op-freeman30dec30,1,6140039.story?ctrack=7&cset=true

Hot damn that's ugly. How do all those other bloggers make their shit look so pretty. Well regardless. This man published his first book: The Big Sleep, when he was 51.

Great book. Philip Marlowe kicks ass and takes names. Dodging bullets and ladies and putting the entire puzzle together. Is he the quintessential Los Angeles Author? Who else might be? Bukowski? Brailovsky? R. Sixer? You be the judge.

Big Sunday

Oh no, your still drunk?!? Well, might as well get some breakfast and try to get ready for the day. Why don't you wander down to the Pantry and get an old fashion american breakfast. Mmmmmmmmm - Eggs and Bacon and pancakes and a tall glass of milk.

There is a lot going on today!

Salute to Vienna: WOrlds greatest new years celebration. This starts at 2:30 at the Walt Disney Concert hall and tickets are running about $78 bucks in the Orchestra. Then there's that damn $8.50 service charge.

Lakers are playing the Celtics at the Staples center. Let's hear it for the Lakers!!! We've got tickets from $220 to $840. Get in one last Laker game before the year is up.

As for your Sunday Football fetish, head on over to Caseys Irish Bar and Grill and ask the guys over there to put on your favorite team. They've got NFL prime ticket or whatever the hell it is and you can watch whatever game you like. Don't forget to say a little prayer for the Redskins as they play at 1pm. The game is on FOX channel 11 here in downtown, which you should be able to pick up with any old TV with some rabbit ears.

Alright, last but not least is Georgie baby Lopez!!! He is still rocking the Nokia center. I found one ticket on ticketmaster for $79 bucks plus that damn surcharge of $11. So there you have it.

Enjoy your Sunday and don't let all those crazy ass homeless people bring you down.

Rose Bowl Action Illinois vs USC

Get psyched people.

We've got tickets to the game. Anywhere from $295 to $1200 per ticket.

Don't forget to book your room at the Dirty Hot Hotel.

George Lopez at the Nokia

We've got tickets.

From $102 to $268.

George Lopez is ruling the Nokia Theater.

Pacific Dining Car - Downtown

If you like sitting in huge puffy velvet chairs and even puffier blue velvet booths with the best steak around then you've picked the right place; ask for the back room . The Sommemlier brags about his wine list for 20 minutes. Some of his stuff is so hard to get. At some of the other restaurants that he's worked, these wineries won't even talk to him. They love him here at the Pacific Dining Car. Jonathan is the Sommemlier, I failed to tip him separately and to hell with a system that is so complicated. 20% is enough for everyone, those bastards. Sure the meal was free, compliments of somebody somewhere, but a tip over 20% is retarded. Unless your tipping me.

Then the food arrives.

We order a large steak and 2 sides and 2 appetizers and some drinks. She has a Merlot. I drink a couple large whiskey drinks.

So you should get on up in it for no reason at all but to be like the older couple who sits next to us and talks aloud about their neighbors and gets drunk. If you drink enough you're in that train, riding up the coast to Santa Barbara.

But really, why do you care? You've really got nothing better to do besides take a train to Santa Barbara, now that you think of it.

Stop at some liquor store at the first train station and pick up some more whiskey, because once you've committed to whiskey, you should really just commit, and continue the party in your train car until your party pal has asked you, politely, to stop.

Then exercise that fat holiday ass and do some pushups and situps. You don't need a gym for that.

Redskins vs. Cowboys

Get ready.

The Redskins are a 9 point favorite.

We are going to crush the cowboys at home this Sunday.

The Last Friday of the Year

Nothing like drunks screaming your name at 3am. It sure isn't the Italian countryside down here at the Dirty Hot Hotel, but that's why we love it.

4 days until the end of time, er, the year.

2008 is around the corner so start that resolutions list and make one of em that your going to write a crummy blog about that god forsaken town you live in called Temple City.

What are you going to do today in Downtown?

Choi Jeong-Hwa has some installation art work at the Red Cat Theater. I don't know what it's running. Pick up the phone for once and use it!!! Oh is that a tip? Thankyou. It's free.

The Lakers are playing the Jazz down at the Staples Center and you'll be lucky if you can find a couple tickets there. I could only find one at ticketmaster for behind the hoop for $140 bucks.

Then after you enjoy Kobe tossing down a couple 3 pointers, head over to the Nokia Theater to see George Lopez. It's smack dab in the middle of his 6 day run over there. Funny Latino Comedy and Hot Latinas. After the show, head down to the Mayan to shake it with all your homies.

Don't forget to go to work.

Milan.

High collars, pink scarves, designer eyewear and fur coats at midnight

Verona to Florence

Bon Giorno

I'm not even sure if that's how it's spelled. Regardless. We've made the trip to Verona where we saw a little bit of the good stuff. Juliets balcony was how I always imagined it. What a treat. Then we took the rental car and drove down to Florence.

The small 2 lane road thru the mountain pass of Bologna was treacherous. Everyone traveling at 160 Km/hr and then it starts to snow. First it seems like a bunch of flies as if you were traveling thru the desert in Arizona, but then it starts to flitter and flutter around the entire car. Then it turns everything white and we are still flying at high speeds thru the mountain passes. Everyone is driving so fast and only slows down when a big rig truck can't hold on and pushes into both lanes. Then a small car with a blue flashing light, it's not the police, it's an organ transplant vehicle, blows by everyone as if it were a jet.

The snow is building up on the road and I'm forced to slow down.

We then go into a massive tunnel complex as if we were traveling to the center of the world, and just when you don't think you will see the light of day again, there it is, the light at the end of the tunnel.

Small villages dot the countryside.

We are almost to Florence.

Whats going on downtown?

Pick up a copy of the LA weekly and read something for once you illiterate fool.

Take a look outside your dirty hot hotel window, write down whatever you see.

Start a blog.

Download something dirty

Tired of waiting for him/her to call. Forget about that asshole. Go out and get yourself a prostitute and call them by your lovers name. Pay them extra to act like your jerk boyfriend. Take a lot of pictures and drop them off on that assholes doorstep. Oh the fun you will have.

Bring them down to the dirty hot hotel where you can be at home. Your gonna love it here.

Travel Abroad

Fuck it!! Take off for a couple weeks and dont tell anyone where youre going!!

Sleep under a bridge.

Eat stuff out of the garbage and then get deathly ill.

Hang out with new homeless friends and then wait until the sun goes down and see which one betrays you first.

Call the Dirty Hot Hotel and make a reservation.

Buy a gold fish.

Live it up for christs sake.

Get Drunk like a Homeless person

Carry your booze around town in a paper bag.

Take that doggie out for a walk.

Fall in love.

Eat fast food.

Offer people your opinion even if they don't ask for advice.

Love it! and go ice skating!!

Go see a movie at 4th and Figueroa

Laemmle Theatres) 345 S. Figueroa St., Los Angeles, CA 90071, 213-617-2068


Dan in Real Life

1 hr 38 mins
7.5/10 (4,431 votes)Showtimes: 5:45pm 8:00


Oswald's Ghost

1 hr 30 mins
7.3/10 (6 votes)Showtimes: 5:30pm 7:40


The Golden Compass

1 hr 58 mins
6.7/10 (7,468 votes)Showtimes: 5:00pm 7:30


Timber Falls

1 hr 40 mins
6.0/10 (99 votes)Showtimes: 5:40pm 7:50

Tuesday hum drums

Go out and buy a motorcycle. Then buy some body armor, you're gonna need it. See how long it takes you to make a couple laps on the 10/110/101/5 loop. Stop and take a break after the first couple laps if you havn't killed yourself. Come on down to the Dirty Hot Hotel and get a room. We've got plenty to choose from. 45 floors of fun at the Dirty Hot Hotel.

What else is there to do today?

At 7:30pm you should make your way down to the LA Opera. La Boheme is playing and you are gonna love it. Could it be true that it's the most popular opera ever written? It's about 2 hours and 20 minutes with one intermission and I've clocked those great seats in the founders section for $185. You should go. Take a date.

You should also get in your ice skating while you can.

Read a Book, Damnit!

Here it is:

The top 10 books of 2007 via the NY Times. Do yourself a favor. Read one of them.

5 fiction 5 nonfiction

In the fiction category:

Man gone down by thomsas, Out stealing horses by petterson, The savage detectives by Bolano, Then we came to the end by ferris and tree of smoke by johnson

In the non-fiction category:

Imperial life in the emerald city: inside Iraq's Green Zone by chandreasekaran,

Little heathens: hard times and high spirits on an Iowa farm during the great depression by kalish

The nine: inside the secret world of the supreme court by toobin,

The ordeal of elizabeth marsh: a woman in world history by colley

The rest is noise: listening to the twentieth century by ross.

Start reading one of them and enjoy yourself. Start a scientology period of your life and join the cult online at

Lron.com

stop clicking it. I can't believe you even thought about it. Did you know that you can join the sea corps down in hollywood and love it, but you have to live there on Hubbard ave. in the dorms and sign away your life for 300,000 lifetimes. It's so worth it. Hubbard ave. Maybe you can get the managers quarters.

Kings vs Canucks vs Tool massive event

The Kings are playing The Canucks and I can get you tickets so that you can put your face up against the glass on the 50 yard line. There's only 1 available and I can get it for $450 dollars.

So yea, You start off at the Dirty Hot Hotel where you are sleeping in a maids closet and then make your way down to the Staples Center, stopping at 7grand and then Hanks and then the little bar inside the Hotel Figueroa. The guys start at 7:30, and that gives you plenty of time to put off whatever you were going to do for another day.

Then if you don't like your seats or your too drunk and they throw you out of the Staples Center, you can just quietly go around a corner, make yourself throwup, and then give yourself 5 minutes to get composed. Eat a hotdog from some of the street vendors, and then go get your Tickets for Tool at the Nokia will call. You can pay $230 for the cheapest to $608 bucks in the pit.

So yea. Theres your Monday for you.

Real Girls vs 2nd life Girls

Get off the computer and come on down to the Dirty Hot Hotel.

Hi Girls.

Dirty Hot and Sandy Hotel

We've taken the girls out to the beach today and this is all they can do.

Blade Runner 25th Anniversary edition

The Jules Verne Film Festival continues today with a showing of one of the all time best Sci-Fi flicks.

"It's too bad she won't live, but then again, who does?"

Come on out tonight and catch Ridley Scott rerelease his classic movie Blade Runner. The whole gang is suppose to be here. I can't wait. 5pm at the Shrine Auditorium.

So, yea, get up early and hit the gym on the 3rd floor and work it out. After that you should head over to Caseys Irish Bar and Grill on 6th and Grand and order a pint of Guiness. Talk about the fight last night. Mayweather knocked the fuck out of Hatton. Poor English guy. Have a second pint and watch some of the football games over there. Did you know they have NFL sunday ticket over there. You can have em dial up any of the games.

Keep drinking. You have until 5pm to make it over to the Shrine.

John Mayer at Nokia

Come on down and get a room at the Dirty Hot Hotel. You are gonna love it here.
John Mayer is playing down the street. Some people are going ape shit over this. Others could give a fuck. Regardless, you should come down and enjoy the show.

Doors open at 7pm. So start the night right at 7grand and drink some whiskey. That's what John Mayer would do. Okay, so the show is unofficially sold out. Even craigslist has more buyers than sellers. You're gonna have to buy on the street or call me, my secret super secret ticket extention has them from $70 bucks to very close for $338. You can get a club box for $149 per ticket.

Whatever, you do, get out of the house and do something tonight. Even if you're just going to hang out inside your room and watch the fight on HBO. Both these guys are undeafeted. Well, someone had to have beat them up as a child, even if it was another child, so are they really undeafeted. You your sweet ass they are! It's a welterweight blow out tonight from Vegas via your TV.

Santacon - meet the kringles

Oh no! Santa is going to jail.

A little bird told me that there would be some trouble in town.

The santas are coming.

People under the floor

He's a respectable man. He works as a lawyer. Today he's lost it on cocaine.

Security comes to the front desk and asks if one of us will join him while he removes a guest. Someone is causing a very quiet disturbance on the top floor, quiet and creepy and needs to be removed. Security needs to have someone accompany him as a witness, just in case something goes horribly wrong. Something always goes horribly wrong with cocaine addicts

I join him and try to pry some information out of him. What's going on up there? Does it include any half naked women? Will I need a magnum flashlight? He doesn't tell me anything. He only grits his teeth. I'm even more intrigued now. We shoot up in the elevator to the top floor. We stand there and stare at the numbers.

The doors ding and open up. A man runs by in his bathrobe. A door slams. Security exits the elevator and I follow him. There is some of the cieling on the carpet in the hallway. A broom lies haphazardly in the middle of the floor. I look up at the cieling and see that it's been poked with the broom. There are all kinds of holes in the funny foam pieces that you can push up and move aside and access the water pipes and cables and all that. It looks horrible.

This is just out in the hallway.

Security has already seen all this and is now knocking on the door. It's a knock of authority. It's no maid service knock. It's not a pages' knock. The door opens and is instantly stopped by the slide bolt lock. A face peeks thru the opening.

He's sorry for everything, but his sister is hiding in the attic and he is just looking for her.

He finally lets us into the room. Security pulls out his suitcase and tells him that he needs to pack it. The room is a mess. The carpet has been cut with a steak knife and pulled up in a lot of the places. He tells us he is sorry, but if the people downstairs would mind their own business and not peek thru the carpet, then he wouldn't have had to tear it up.

He packs his bag and puts on a very expensive suit. He's just having a meltdown he tells us. It's happened before, but it gets worse everytime. We double check the suite and make sure he's taken his electronics and cords and any secret stash. He admits to 2 secret stashes and it's a lot of cocaine. We confiscate it for his own good and tell him he can come back and get it in 1 years time.

Then we leave the room, take the elevator to the lobby and walk him out the front doors and onto the sidewalk and up the street a little to build up momentum and then we set him free. Free as a bird. Free to completely fuck up his life.

Spice Girls sell out Staples Center for 2nd night

Unless your my friend Josie and you were on Dancing w/ the stars with Mel B or unless your our maintenance guy who's daughter works there and will leave the back door open, you're probably gonna have to buy some tickets.

They're $400 dollars each including all the beer you can drink.

There are only 6 left at my super secret ticket outlet. Friday night Spice Girls is going to make them rich!!

Pussy and Pooch Pet Store

Some of the friendly help at the shop down on 6th and Main. Our new Skid Row doggie shop.

Get out. The new Snoop Dogg line of chew toys for my doggie. They've got a microphone and a beat box and some other stuff.

The homeless are going to kill me when they find out my dog is living better than all of them. Funny this upscale dog store is located on skid row.

Mmmmmmmmmmmm.

Food.



That's right this is the new hot hang out on 6th and Main. Pussy and Pooch. They just opened 2 days ago, and this is the pet bar. They've got enough room for 3 hungry little doggies to chow down at once. Maybe more if you've got some doggies that like to share. They can try all kinds of yummy yummy new food; raw meat, bones, stew, treats and dog beer. You're gonna love it. Get your dog all fucked up and walk him/her home

Jules Verne Afterparty @ The Edison

Tonight around 9:30 you should make your way over to the Edison. Oh yea, you'll need tickets.
$1500 for SUPER VIP
$250 for VIP

That includes tickets to the Jules Verne event at the Shrine Exposition Hall.
Tonight should be a kick ass tribute to Buzz Aldrin and Tony Curtis and Star Trek Captains and maybe even Ray Bradbury. There is a huge guest list so you better show up on time. I think even Ted Turner is going to be there. You know he invented Captain Planet!! What a guy!

Why don't you wake and bake and then make your way down to the lobby to enjoy some breakfast. Enjoy yourself. Walk around in your robe. We've made them especially for you to lounge in. Don't forget to think about Science Fiction all day long.

If you just want to go to the Film Festival then you should check out the website @
http://www.julesvernefestival.com/spip.php?rubrique1&lang=fr

Spice Girls Sell Out the Staples Center

Staples Center seats up to 20,000 for concerts, 18,997 for basketball, and 18,118 for hockey and arena football. Yea. I guess it's really not that big a deal. 20,000 adoring fans willing to spend average $200 bucks a ticket. Thats 4 millions. They've done it again. Of course they have to split it 5 ways.

What's a girl to do?

Have another Concert 2 days from now and sell that one out too.

Call me. I've clocked tickets for $1k for 5th row. Call me. I can also see if I can get you club level fun fun for free. Shut up about it already and just tip me. Maybe you want the least expensive ticket which is $125 dollars, way off jupitar and mars. This is the concert on Dec. 7th.

I 've clocked tickets a half hour from the show TONIGHT! at around $300 for front row. Whats that all about. The show starts in 29 minutes. You should already be dressed and reading this in a PDA on the way to your car. You're gonna get hit by a bus, you better put that PDA away. Okay. You're in your car and you've got to find parking. Why not pull into the Valet at Dirty Hot Hotel and just Valet it. Fuck that noise. We've got a full line up of able bodied people to properly park your car while you hoof it 7 blocks. It takes 10 minutes and then another 10 to get inside and get to your seat. You are gonna have a great time.

Call me.

Damages!?

Did you have a good time during your stay?
No? What do you mean.

So. You let some people that you met in the lobby up to your room.
Then they got violent?!? You left them in your room and you just left the hotel. What were you thinking. You know we have security here and since you're registered we could have kicked them out of the room for you. I mean, you had a gun in your face, isn't that what you said? Do you think we like people with guns or people that associate with people with guns? Sure there are guns in the lobby, but not upstairs please.

Maybe you were afraid we might have seen all that cocaine. Don't you know us by now? We would have confiscated most of it, but you can still stay. Just don't freak out. Can you do that for us?

So now your back. You said you left $900 bucks in cash. That's true, but the room charges and room service and minibar charges are $725 bucks.

There was also $600 dollars in damages done to that room. Remember signing the registration card. That made you liable for everything that happened in that room. Let's ignore the fact that you're a cocaine addict. Lets ignore the fact that you trashed the last room we let you stay in.
Let's ignore the fact that you're high as a kite right now.

You still owe us $425 for your last stay.
Pay up.

Jonathan Davis at the Orpheum

Tonight, if you love Korn, which I know you do, then you'll enjoy Jonathan Davis performing at the Orpheum. It should be a rip roaring good time. The show starts at 8pm.

We can get you tickets in the Orchestra for $88 bucks.

Visit the Broadway bar before you go inside. Good times.

Spice Girls Los Angeles

Forget about it. The girls are back. I don't know what to do. Tickets sold out 5 seconds after they went on sale. The entire arena is booked. The girls are going to ROCK the staples center on the 5th and the 7th and you've got no tickets.

Don't worry. We've still got a few days.

I've clocked one ticket for $5400 that comes with a VIP suite and Arena club access.

If you want floor seats I can get them. Seats in the 12th and 7th row are available. But you'll have to cough up about $400 to $600 bucks.

Front row for $1300 including limo to the show. All these are for the show on the 5th.

Call me.

Hookers busted at Dirty Hot Hotel

By far the hottest. It's just such a shame that they wrote prostitution so big on her placard and not so big on the other girls. Good old Jackie knows how to have a good time. Don't you worry. She's too good looking for her pimps to let her stay in jail. She'll be out in the morning and working that night. Off course she'll be working here every monday.

You didn't see the last name, but let me assure you that we need more Italian hookers in America. What is the world coming to when a girl can't get a job in the oldest profession. Sheesh. We love you Shannon. Your probably second generation or maybe that's just your American prostitute name

Oh No Jennifer. What happened? I know. Those pupils say it all darling. Well, you've had a good run and you still look pretty good. Good ol Jenny down at the club. She's got a ring on each middle finger. You can't miss her. Truly a party girl. Let's hope Jenny keeps rocking!

Kings vs Oilers - Staples Center 7:30

Good morning world!
What are we going to do today? First you've got to take that doggie out for a walk. Those bastards have put a police line covering the entrance to your little doggie heaven poo poo grass hill on Main and 5th. What the fuck? You don't wanna walk your poochie to Pershing Square every day, do you? Well maybe if you ask nicely they'll let your dog shit on the long piece of dirt that's covered in broken glass and other shit that runs parallel with Harlem Alley.

While your out there, why don't you swing by the store and pick up a tall one and start drinking it in a paper bag while you walk your dog. Then head back to the hotel. You've got an entire mini-bar to consume. That's what you do. Have you gotten over the flu yet? Lets hit the Tequila shots pretty hard. Mmmmmmmmmmm Tequila. Then a hot tottie and then take a nap.

Ignore your crazy girlfriend freaking out earlier in front of the front desk. She doesn't know what she wants anyways. What the fuck was she doing cosigning for her friends $8,000 limit credit card. Then the friend took it out in cash and bought a kilo of cocaine. What the fuck is all that about? Well that's another story. Tell her to go to the beach and sell the coke, and fast, or do something cuz $8 grand on a credit card is bad news. Tell her she's an idiot for declaring bankruptcy over $8 grand. Tell her that they don't even let you declare bankruptcy for $8 grand. Then call the front desk and tell them you'll be staying over for the next 7 days and you'll just sell the coke here at the Dirty Hot Hotel.

In between selling coke you're going to a hockey game tonight, but let's face it, its Monday morning and your some trust fund baby. Tell your girlfriend to sell her own coke and turn on your tape recorder and start your memoirs. Let's start gambling while were at it. Open an Internet GAMBLING account and get excited about making insane amounts of money. Of course you could lose it all and then where would you be? Right there with your girlfriend, but your no loser, so take all your money and put it on the Kings for tonight!!

Downtown Blog - Lakers vs Magic

Staples Center tonight.

I can get you courtside for $4 grand.

Think about it and then get the more affordable tickets for $40 bucks.

Get shit faced drunk like you always do and then you always think you're right and you tell all those old stupid stories. Stop by 7 grand and get a whiskey drink and then check on in here with me at the Dirty Hot Hotel. Your fictional hotel.

Things are steamy all sunday, up at the pool.

Sunday Football - Redskins vs Buffalo Bill

Okay. Washington could make the wild card if they win every single game and hope that the Giants keep losing and the Eagles keep losing. Oh it's going to be a tough year, but we should be able to win win win, if we keep our minds on it.

What else is there to do today? Well, if you had bet on UCLA to cover their 20 points then you would be out there right now, spending some of those winnings.

What not to do? Santee Alley. The police confiscated about $8 millions dollars worth of shit down there. Most of that stuff was discounted, so I'm guessing $8 million dollars is everything that was down there.

Stay inside today and drink warm tea and have some airborne tablets cuz the weather is changing and you could catch a cold.

Party at Elevate

Enjoy yourself.
Get out more often.
Party in Downtown Los Angeles and then stay at the DIrty Hot Hotel.
rooms are dirt cheap. Get a room and call me.
Happy December and wear a sweater. It's cold out.

Who's going to the Rose Bowl? USC vs UCLA

USC will face Illinois in the Rose Bowl.

Okay. Today the Bruins play the Trojans at the Coliseum. Game starts at 1:30. I've clocked horrible seats for $135 a piece. There's parking that's more expensive than those seats. I've also clocked some great seats behind the USC bench on the 47 yard line. Those run $1349 per ticket. It's worth every penny though. Why don't you just spend about $600 a ticket and we'll get you close to the 20 yard line. Come down to the Dirty Hot Hotel and stay for a fraction of the ticket price and get drunk! You better hope USC gets to go to the Rose Bowl. Here's an idea. Try not to gamble on the game, I know 20 points seems like a good spread. Shit, why don't you just bet everything on UCLA. You know they're gonna cover the spread. 20 POINTS! Don't forget last year UCLA upset USC. 20 points is too much. I'm going to call my booky after this post.

I could also get you a 30 person luxury suite in Maryland for the Army vs Navy game. That's a little over $29,000, and catering is extra. If you're still in L.A. it's too late, you'll never make the game.

I went to UCSB so I could really give a shit about either game.

Let's just hope you tip well. Did you need a limo to the coliseum? Here, it's just another $150 bucks. What is money anyway? What is it with you? You're gonna love the time you spent here. Don't forget to take some pictures to remember for later.

Afterwards you can stumble over to the Edison and pretend like you know Justin and wish him a happy 3rd Decade. BTW I'm sorry I forgot about Cake at the Orpheum last night. That must have been a kick ass show.